Fifty Shades: My 3-Part Review

25 Apr

Although I typically read New York Times’ Bestsellers, I REALLY did not plan on reading any portion of the Fifty Shades trilogy.  Don’t give me that look; I’m serious.  I’m that person who fast-fowards through movie love scenes when alone.  Nudity makes me uncomfortable. This whole subject discomforts me, but I just HAD to read the book that everyone is talking about.  In this post, I will NOT focus on the smut aspect of this work.  My review will consist of three parts: a comparison between Twilight and Fifty Shades, some background on the author/the publishing aspect of the trilogy and my Fifty Shades playlist.

Fifty Shades vs. Twilight

When I first heard that Ms. James wrote Fifty Shades in response to Twilight, as a piece of fan fiction, I was baffled.  This trilogy, centered around an unusual sexual relationship, surely could have nothing to do with Stephenie Meyer’s tween beach read.  Edward Cullen is a total prude.  Bella chooses a man over a college education. At first glance, the two works form a stark contrast. Christian is an experienced, deviant male.  Anastasia is a literature student who zealously pursues a career in publishing. These couples have nothing in common, right?

So what are the similarities?  Christian and Edward are both adopted into families with other adopted children.  They both have money and a great fashion sense. Mainly, they both drag their gals into their dark lifestyles. Swap out vampire lifestyle and insert a wierdo dom. AND BAM. We have Fifty shades. The Cullen family loves Bella. The Grey family loves Ana. Not to mention, Bella and Ana are both clumsy spazoids. Both girls are literature addicts, who sadly think some classic piece of literature can justify their decisions.  The Washington setting, of course, is ripped straight from Ms. Meyer.  Just don’t let your tween or teen get their hands on this one. In fact, I think I may be too young for this one.

Pinterest is going wild with Fifty Shades mania. (photo credit Pinterest)

The Author of Depravity

Oh, E.L. James. I really don’t want to know how you obtained the knowledge for this work.  What I do know is that, besides being a Twilight fan, Ms. James loves erotic romance books.  Yeah, I know, I’ve never read one either (not counting Fifty Shades).  Maybe that’s her basis of knowledge. Either way, Ms. James is a British TV executive and mother of two. She claims these novels as her “mid-life crisis.”  I pray that my mid-life crisis is at least half as lucrative.

The talented E. L. James.

Ms. James’ novels started out as self-published works and were greatly helped by the success of e-readers.  No one knows what you’re reading on that Kindle.  Since curious readers can anonymously download the novels, the shame factor is eliminated.  Except for this special reader right here! As you all know, I’m anti-e-reader.  Comments were exchanged when I bought the books. Oh well.

My Fifty Shades Playlist

Much in the fashion of Ms. Meyer, Ms. James created a soundtrack for her novels, which you can access here: http://www.eljamesauthor.com/music/fifty-shades-of-grey-soundtrack

I decided to create my own play list for the novels. Most of the listed tracks are there due to my own whimsical satire (if such a thing exists).

1. “Another Night” – Real McCoy (Joy, pain and dreams. Sounds very Fifty Shades to me.)

2. “Sex on Fire” – Kings of Leon (Ripped from the novel and E. L.’s playlist.)

3. “Call me Maybe” – Carly Rae Jepsen (If you aren’t sick of hearing it on the radio.)

4. “Bad Romance” – Future Idiots (Lady Gaga cover)

5. “Crash into me” – Dave Matthews Band ( A clear choice with lyrics like “Tied to me, tight tie me up again.”)

6. “Don’t look back” – Telepopmusik (Something somewhat topical to lighten the mood.)

7. “Howlin’ for you” – the Black Keys (On the nose.)

8. “Elevation” – U2 (I’m sure there is a U2 song for every situation in life.)

9. “S & M” – Rihanna (Well isn’t this obvious.)

10. “Light my Fire” – the Doors (Jim Morrison is spinning in his grave. Sorry dude, I just had to.)

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